Today we have a chance to reflect on the main reason why the Catholic Church feels so strongly about Christian marriage. The reason is that married Christian couples are called to be a most eloquent and visible reminder we have of the unfailing love of God for his people.
The total, free, faithful and fruitful love of husband and wife is the sign picked by God himself in the Old Testament to show to the chosen people of Israel how he will never fail in his love for them. The total, free, faithful and fruitful love of husband and wife is also the sign chosen by Jesus in the New Testament to show us the extent of his love for his Bride, the Church, especially on the cross.
The certainty that God will never fail in his love for us, no matter how unfaithful we might choose to be, is the reason why the Catholic Church is against divorce. The Catholic Church is the only Church on earth who is left alone to remind her people, and the whole world, of God’s unfailing love for us by upholding Jesus’ unequivocal statement about divorce and adultery: He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12)
Some might say: “What about annulment, isn’t it like a mini divorce?”
No. It is not. The Catholic Church feels so strongly about holy matrimony being the most powerful sign on earth of God’s unfailing love for his people that she analyzes problematic situations very carefully. If competent Church officials find evidence that a particular union lacks some of the four qualities of marital love (total, free, faithful and fruitful), they would declare said matrimony null, i.e. as if it had never been recognized and blessed by the Church. It would be declared null and void, even if, on the outside, it looked like any other lawful Catholic wedding. This official decision called “annulment” declares that that union doesn’t reflect correctly the unfailing love of God for us and of our love for him. However, any children would be considered legitimate because the couple thought that they were united in a lawful matrimony.
After having stated the Catholic Church’s doctrine on marriage, it is time to look at the real situation of married Catholics. For a variety of reasons, the situation of Catholic families is not much better than the situation of families in other religious persuasions.
We have couples who stay together, who put up with each other strictly for the sake of their children.
We have those who live loveless lives under the same roof only because financial straits force them to stay in a very difficult situation.
We have children who are torn between mom and dad.
We have children used as pawns in a sickening game played by their parents.
We have children feeling guilty because their parents split.
We have people spending most of their waking moments trying to make the life of their ex-spouse as miserable as possible.
We have people who have divorced legally and have remarried and have new families.
We have siblings living with half-brothers and half- sisters.
We have kids with two moms or two dads, etc.
We witness tears, sadness, anguish, feelings of guilt, deep-seated resentment, lasting bitterness, longing for new intimacy, unbearable loneliness and countless other emotions altering the lives of many believers. In most of them there is regret; there is willingness to make it work the second time around; there is longing for the Eucharist, for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, for reassurance of God’s love despite what happened and of all the mistakes that were made due to missed opportunities. Forgive me for bringing up this long list of painful situations. Most of them are truly impossible situations because of their complexity and the frailty of those involved. But the main reason why I brought this up is to make us all appreciate our smallness, our powerlessness, our darkness before things, events and situations that are too big for us to handle in a fair and constructive way both as individuals and as a Church.
What I recommend with an anguished heart to all of us is to declare before God how confused, how hurt, how clueless, how helpless we feel. If you have time, I urge you to read and reflect on chapter 8 of Pope’s Francis’ apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia. It opens our eyes to unthinkable, unlikely, complex, yet very real situations contrasted with God’s unwillingness to give up on any of his wayward children.
We must never forget that God’s mercy and love are infinite and that nothing is impossible for him. The Lord alone has an accurate reading of what went on in people’s hearts when love began to dwindle in them and a correct reading of the chain of poor choices which they made in their frailty. Even more importantly, God alone has a true reading of what goes on, NOW, in those hearts; and he alone is aware of the goodwill, sincerity, longing, efforts active inside those hearts.
For all of us, both for those who are hurting because of what has happened in their lives and for those who bless and thank the Lord for the goodness of their personal situation, there is the crucial need to work with the Holy Spirit to nurture genuine humility. Humility is indispensable for any healing to take place. And humility will keep us open to God’s grace-filled intervention for the good of our families and the good of the whole Church.
Through the intercession of St. Francis of Assisi, our patron saint, may God bless all our parish families, heal the ones who need lasting healing and guide them all on the path to the heavenly Kingdom. Amen.
